PrettyAlone
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Shazzy
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Member Joined Mar 23 2010
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18 years old Brisbane, Australia
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PrettyAlone psychsupport.webs.com/ |
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About Me
My name is shari and this is my story When I was two and a half I was sent to my grandfather’s house where he would rape and torture me every day until I bled and left me naked and cold in a shed until the sun set. My grandfather was a greedy man to make money he would lend me out to other men to rape and hurt me. These men seemed so normal but evil was inside. One man was a police man. He came in his cop car and was fully clothed in his uniform. They would also film what they did to me probably to show and sell it to other men. My cousin who was 20 at the time saw what they were doing to me and was taught how to rape. Things eased off with my grandfather as he had a disease that was slowly destroying his mind, and my cousin would only molest me. But when I was six he did full intercourse. By this time I was in school and couldnt tell the teachers throuh fear and my memories of the abuse bein hidden deep inside my mind so i could seem normal At school I never had any friends I was bullied allot and did nothing but daydream in lessons. I would self harm by drinking poisons and my first suicide attempt happened when I was 9. When I was 11 my cousin stopped assaulting me because I saw him less and less. In high school I was the most unpopular girl I developed binge eating disorder then bulimia. when I was 14 I went to my grandparents/cousins house for my 14th birthday while my family were outside eating my birthday cake my cousin pulled me into his room and raped me. As I always did if buried this memory with the others. But as the months went on I felt terribly depressed.Then for two days I had severe abdominal pains and I couldn’t move without extreme pain then I started bleeding really bad it wasnt until things had calmed down and i looked in and saw a little feotus I panicked and flushed the toilet, trying to forget what I saw. I never told anyone not even my mum how could I explain that to her. I couldn’t cope, when I first fell pregnant being young and not coping with the pregnancy I didn’t even know I had I started to cut my wrists, it got so much worse I started planning to die over the next few years was mixed with suicide attempts, eatin disorders and deep self inflicted cutting. I eventually was diagnosed with Dissociative identity disorder meaning I had many personalities (Alters) created so I could escape the abuse Diagnoses: Dissociative Identity Disorder Post Traumatic Stress Disorder Borderline personalitiy disorder Post a CommentOops!The words you entered did not match the given text. Please try again. 348 Comments
P.S. I. just put 3 of my own songs on YouTube,then I got an Email from a website asking me to allow them to Promote my music.They Garrenteed me that my videos would get tones of views on YouTube,all across the World and that it is free.Most people actually search for this website,hoping to be wanted,and considering that I had no one to play an instrument for my song,and that the video quality was so terrible,though at least the sound was good,I have to assume that they where mostly interested in my music.I read the email from my cell discovering that my Internet bill was not payed,therefor they disconnected our Internet the day before I saw the note.So now I have to wait til it is reconnected,as I cannot manage using the net from my cell for this.I really Hope you will check out my songs on YouTube though,and tell me what you think of them.You go to the music category then type in my user name.(RussiaAradia),it will take you to my songs.They are called "In A Heartbeat","Izabelladonna" and
"The Feminine Tragedy.The Feminine Tragedy is not my usual style,but I thought it would be the best type of music to use wile being without an instrument because it carriies the song with a constant melody(It's a Jazz song).The other 2 are Alterative,though you may not be able to tell until there is an instrument.I really hope you will check them out and tell me what you think about my music sweetie.And I hope you will tell me how you've been lately.All my Love xoxox
Hello Angel,I know I haven't written you for a wile,but I am always thinking of you,wondering how you are.I have at times had the same problem as you as well,I have just never spoken about it to anyone til now.I sometimes turn to surtain versions of myself in order to cope with troubling things that I cannot bare,like last night when my boyfriend got mad at me,the only way I could handle the moment was to be Ariel,That is my most innocent helpless self,but it is my most comforting world.As Ariel I don't blame myself,she knows what has been done to me is not my fault.She loves and cherishes me,even when others are trying to break me even more than I already am.Ariel knows it isn't out fault.We cradle each other when there is no where to turn.We don't speak very much,sometimes not at all,it feels much more safe,And even though we may still be afraid,at least we are together.I she is with me right now.I cannot lose her,I want to have her with me always from now on,I need her always.I cannot bare to lose her ever again.This time I am going to merge Izabella and Ariel.The experts say many many people unknowingly have this too,as a result of conflicting believes,and that when the beliefs or points of view finally find a common ground or point of view,the different personalities become one and you have the best of both.Anyway,I don't want to lose track of you when this site moves,so my other contacts are IzabellaAriel@Hotmail.com.You can find me on Facebook under(Izabella Kuzminski) living in Fort Saint John.I hope you will contact me soon Shazzy.All My Love Izabella xoxox
hi girl, i fucking hate living like cant do this shit anymore, its like honestly i keep trying and trying and nothings getting better i mean why all the bad stuff tends to happen to everyone on PA what about other people, we kep getting pain after pain and we get no where, i go from people to people reaching out, but ieither they dont wanna deal with the crazy girl or maybe jsut maybe they dont have time to deal with me,or they dont think i can hurt this much, maybe im lying but the problem is no one should lie about these things, because theres real people hurting, im falling apart and i promise im giving up and you guys aren my stregnth, im sending this to everyone else who emails me because theres no more i can say \. If you need me since site is shutting down email me lexmistreated@aol.com
hi shari, how have you beeen, ive been doing as i tell people now in days. IM NOT doing worse but im not doing better. im living though and thats all i can do now
This site is fucking up and not sending my messages so I am just going to ask how you are in case this message doesn't send and delete an entire letter to you.I just wanted to see how you are because it's been so long xoxo
i'm so sorry that has been happening to you,. i know what you mean. And i have always been open to the love of others. i find the good in everyone when i can. I guess i feel like no one gives me the same chance i give them..
i'm alright thanks for asking. I'm just trying to get by. And being alone can be good sometimes, but at least for me there needs to be one place where i can interact with people. And i barely have that place. I hope you're doing ok too. Take care.
though
i've been going BOOO! since a long fucking time ago so you get what you pay for andollthat
you sound like moy whiny mother who's scared of and formy
hey honeey, how are you?
haven't been on here in agess, but i got discharged yesterdaay! hows he issue with your phone coming along?? haha hope your okaaay lovely, always here if you wanna chat xoxo
Hi sweetie.It is so good to hear from you.My name on Facebook is Izabella Kuzminski.I don't think we are facebook friends yet but we definately shoould be.Also if you happen to have an Iphone we can text for free because I just found out there is an IPhone program called kik that alows IPhone users to text no matter where they are.It would be really nice if we could.But in any case,I miss you and Love you angel we will talk soon xoxo
me too, im so anxious that i cant sleep and this Paxil isnt doing shit for me.
 just makes me tired but not enough to sleep.
Im alright theres alot of shit going on right now. Hbu ??
Hello Angel.I have the net again and I miss you.I would Love to know how you are.I myself almost died 2 weeks ago from a suicide attempt that should not have failed.I am told the amout of drugs I took should very well have killed me and would have killed most anybody else.My leg is still partly frozen from the coma,but at least now I can walk on it.There was supposedly a chance that it would not heal,but luckily I belive in natural healing.Anyway,I would Love to hear from you and know how you are.Things have been very hard for me lately as a result of my boyfrind who seems to become more and more heartless everyday.In fact he was the reason for my suicie atempt as he encouraged me to go through with it that morning.He did say sorry and that he didn't mean it,but it was too late.I nolonger trusted him.And it gets harder and harder each day as he does things like bringing home drugs,even though he knows how hard I have worked to get away from them.But anyway,I hope to hear from you soon.All Of My Love xoxo
So sad and upset hearing your story. I hope that you can feel better and we at pretty alone will support you the best that we can.
Hey honey, sorry I havent been in touch in a while, theres shit signal in hospital and theres no wireless
how are you? Hows the phone coming along? Xoxo
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