PrettyAlone

When i walk or run i always look at my feet, just begrudgingly getting from one place to another. I haven't taken my medication in almost two weeks. Now when i'm walking i look at the ground and think about how much damage it would cause if i passed out and my head smacked against the ground. If i was alone, would it be enough to bleed out? Sometimes i feel like fainting is the only way people are going to let me sleep, just really let me sleep. I'm miserable and exhausted, and i want to through my self to the ground with sucj force i put my self in a come. Maybe then withouteating i could loose some wait and stop being a fat fuck. The only problem is, i'm not depressed enough to do it. i think about it constently, think about self harm and just fucking killing myself, just getting over with. I just can't. It's not because of the baby either, another sibling would just make it more complicated, my parents hardly notice me as it is, unless i'm screaming at my step mom's precious children then i'm the center of the fucking world. God, just... i don't even know...